The Matzah Show
Humorous
Bangitout.com

(to the theme of "The Muppet Show")

It's time to burn some chometz
It's time to bless the lights
It's time to start the seder, on the Matzah Show tonight

It's time to put on kittels
It's time to lean left, not right
It's time to raise the 4 cups, on the Matzah Show tonight

It's time to ask some questions
It's time to leave Egypt tonight
It's time to get things started on the most sensational
Inspirational, celebrational, sederational
This is what we call the Matzah Show!!!!!

(Discussion #1: How could Kermit be a plague?)

(Professor Eliezer Segal, http://www.acs.ucalgary.ca/~elsegal/)   Why is it only  on Passover night we never know how to do anything right?   We don't eat our meals in the regular ways, the ways that we do on all other days.   `Cause on all other nights we may eat all kinds of wonderful good bready treats,   like big purple pizza that tastes like a pickle, crumbly crackers and pink pumpernickel, sassafras sandwich and tiger on rye, fifty falafels in pita, fresh-fried, with peanut-butter and tangerine sauce spread onto each side up-and-down, then across, and toasted whole-wheat bread with liver and ducks, and crumpets and dumplings, and bagels and lox, and doughnuts with one hole and doughnuts with four, and cake with six layers and windows and doors.    Yes-- on all other nights we eat all kinds of bread, but tonight of all nights we munch matzah instead.   And on all other nights we devour vegetables, green things, and bushes and flowers, lettuce that's leafy and candy-striped spinach, fresh silly celery (Have more when you're finished!) cabbage that's flown from the jungles of Glome by a polka-dot bird who can't find his way home, daisies and roses and inside-out grass and artichoke hearts that are simply first class! Sixty asparagus tips served in glasses with anchovy sauce and some sticky molasses-- But on Passover night you would never consider eating an herb that wasn't all bitter.

“As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt water. A fish from the wall of water heard the complaints and told Moses that he and his family could remove the salt from the water through their own gills and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain. Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants insisted that they always be present at the Seder meal, since they had such an important part in the story. When Moses agreed, he gave them their name, for he said to them, "Go Filter, Fish!"

OM NOM NOM.

A man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in Highland Park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Shortly thereafter a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jew offered a sheet of matzoh to the blind man.

The blind man ran his fingers over the matzoh for a minute, and exclaimed, "Who wrote this?"

On Passover we

Opened the door for Elijah

Now our cat is gone.